Which Spice Girl is the Most Evil?

Let's get to the bottom of an important question today. We all know that the Spice Girls can be placed on a relative spectrum of evil, yet the public has long been afraid to do so, frightened of the retaliation that may arrive if the most evil Spice Girl was to get wind of our talk. But I am not afraid. I am fearless. So today I will reveal the truth about the evil levels of each Spice Girl.

First, we must talk about the baby.

BABY SPICE

Baby Spice is the very picture of innocence. A cute little angel who would never push you over or steal money from you, or so it seems. You might think, "ah, here's the culprit! Baby Spice, by design, must be the most evil spice. I cannot be tricked by the veneer of sweetness." Well, that, dear reader, is it's own trick. Baby Spice is, basically, not evil. But she's not really a pillar of innocence either. No, as it turns out, she is a normal woman of mixed morality. She is dead centre on the spectrum. A evil rating of two. She is not our enemy.

★★☆☆☆

 

SCARY SPICE

Scary Spice might seem evil, for the simple reason that evil is a concept often associated with scary. But scary can come without evil, and here it does. Scary Spice is only one rung up on the evil ladder. She is barely evil at all.

★☆☆☆☆ 

 

GINGER SPICE

Ginger Spice has a strong dark energy within. There is a jittery, uncontrollable evil in her that any of us can readily see. It was clear when she performed 'Bag It Up' at the Brit Awards in the year 2000, emerging from gigantic splayed legs - here is a devil, of sorts. But she is, factually, not the most evil Spice Girl. She's a mere four out of five on the evil scale.

★★★★☆ 

 

POSH SPICE

Posh Spice has an apparent crust of evil coating the outside of her like a thin exoskeleton, but on the inside she is malleable, like the stuffing of a cheap bear. She is a three on the evil scale. 

★★★☆☆ 

 

SPORTY SPICE

Sporty Spice is quite an unassuming Spice. That duet with Bryan Adams was good, and any sort of rage within must surely directed into the sports of it all. But therein lies the rub - Sporty Spice is excellent at masking her dark ways. She comes across as very normal. Perhaps she might do a flip, but otherwise she sinks into the world like a vapour. This, I'm sorry to tell you, is a sure-fire sign of mega evil. 

★★★★★ 

 

The thing is - and maybe this will shock you - her evil just isn't so bad. She is, yes, a veritable five on the evil scale, but she simply deserves that. She's right to be evil. The evil of the Spices is distributed in just the way it ought to be.

***

And so, we have come to know the truth. But don't let it control you, or lead you to a place of fear. The evil is contained, for now, in just the way it must be - in the hands of the sportiest Spice.