If you have ever had the misfortune of staying or living on a main road, you might intimately know the interminable, horrible sound of car horn based noise pollution. It seems that quite a lot of drivers view their horns less as emergency startlers, and more as an opportunity to express any minor vexation. This might not be so bad if it wasn't for the vexation being, for some, constant.
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| Jack Johnson at the wheel of his 90 horsepower Thomas Flyer, 1910. |
This morning I was out getting important breakfast ingredients (fresh baguette, large bottle of Coke Zero), and I saw a devastating scene on the road. A bus had gotten itself stuck behind an unfortunately parked car. The car had positioned itself so close to a small road construction space in a manner that had created a very tight space between the two, and the bus driver had, seemingly, driven in at a slightly disastrous angle that made it impossible for him to pass. He needed to go backwards a bit, but that was a challenge with a growing queue of cars behind him. A simple problem that was, after five minutes or so, solved with the assistance of some helpful passers by, but until the bus could happily drive away, a good amount of those stuck cars behhind the poor bus driver simply would not stop slamming on those horns.
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| A 1908 patent for a 'mechanically-actuated diaphragm horn or alarm'. |
Why this urge takes hold in traffic, of all places, I cannot possibly imagine. I know I wouldn't choose to slam down on my horn in a traffic jam scenario, because I am better than these people and see no value in mounting stress onto an already embarrassing and tense situation. I am more enlightened and kinder than most people on Earth. That bus driver should have been treated to a beautiful, soothing song instead of harsh and cruel horns of torment. We are just not there as a society, but one day yet we may perhaps live in a gorgeous, horn-light world.
Until then, here are my proposals for what drivers can do instead of using their horn for pure antagonism.
1. Kill yourself
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| Stage Illusions and Scientific Diversions, 1897. |
A horn, as we all know, is very dramatic. But what's even more dramatic? It's killing yourself. For the true dramatist drivers, they might utilise this method to cause much more heightened distress, with the added benefit that they no longer have to be stuck in traffic, because they're dead. Of course, there is a major downside to this (being dead), but it's a great option if you really want to impart some genuine trauma on those around you.
2. Check out "Baby Shark"
Look man, I understand the sheer pain of sudden frustration and rage. This is brought out through the particular challenge of driving, and no one is immune to incredible irritation when something weird happens on the road. I don't even have a licence, and yet I have driven behind insane swerving freaks on the dual carriageway. It's inevitable. But one powerful thing you can do to bring yourself out of such madness is to play some sort of inane or joyful song. This could be Party Rock Anthem, Ring Dong Dong, or Saturday Night, but for maximum silliness, I have chosen Baby Shark as the representative song here. Just play Baby Shark, and remember that you, dear driver, are just like a baby. Go with the rhythm. Stop honking.
3. Remember that people are dying
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| Death counts in the most deadly conflicts 2015-2020, from Wikipedia's list of ongoing armed conflicts. |
Okay, you're on the road with other repulsive people, struggling through a fit of misanthropy. Other people shouldn't be driving, only you, the most beautiful and perfect driver in the world. But it might be worth reminding yourself that you're quite lucky, really, because while you're in your car having an inconvenience, other people in the world are dying in wars and stuff. That could be you, but it's not. Really, you're quite fortunate. And maybe we should give car horns to the civilians of war torn countries, instead of drivers. So that they can be as annoying as possible. This makes sense to me.
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These are my top three ideas for honking drivers, but I have many more proposals. If any country leaders or governmental workers are reading this, please contact me for a more complete list. I believe I can help make the roads of the world more beautiful and serene via my incredible ideas. Thank you.
so true and right as always
ReplyDeleteI like to honk at other cars just to say hello :-)
ReplyDeleteA simple solution for these drivers would be to simply use their God given voice and yell really lous in a fit of fiery rage, preferably with the windows closed. Stress relief, no inconvenience for others, perhaps they can even get a bonus divorce if they're driving with their spouse.
ReplyDelete